I'm Not Okay
by caligril13
Summary: What if Simon wasn't okay with Clary becoming a shadowhunter? What if he gave up on her? Will she be able to get him back or will he be just out of her grasp?
1. The Call

Author's Note: I randomly came up with this one day and had to write it down or else i thought i might spontaneously combust! This takes place right after City of Bones. This is my first fan fic and i want to be critiqued a lot even if it hurts! This is going to get interesting i promise! Please read!

Disclaimer:I do not own this Cassandra Claire does...duh

Clary POV

I was just sitting at Luke's house watching some NCIS and doodling when my phone rang. It was Simon. I knew something was wrong because he hadn't called for so long, but I thought I had to give him space to get used to all the "changes." I was glad that he called; I had been missing him.

I answered the phone and recognized his voice immediately.

"Clary we need to talk," he sounded like something was really bothering him.

"Okay Simon then let's talk. Whatever it is we can talk about it."

"Not over the phone Clary this is too…..important. Meet me at the Java Jones at 1:00 okay?" This was bad, very bad that was my favorite coffee shop that he always took me to when I was sad, mad, or just depressed.

"Okay Simon I'll see you soon!" But my enthusiasm was so fake that even I could hear it in her voice.

"Yeah…..right bye Clary," the he started mumbling to himself right before he hung up. The mumbling did not sound pleasant; it sounded sad and depressed like when we were in first grade and he called me to tell me he had lost my favorite crayon. That had been my favorite color, and I had lent it to him because he needed the color to draw a picture of some video game. He had felt so bad about that crayon that he had bought me a whole new pack! That was why I loved Simon so much.

As I glanced at the clock I realized it was already 12:30. It was hard to believe I had been spaced out for so long. I had to get a move on otherwise I would be late for our "meeting." I stretched out my sleeping legs and trudged towards my room. I threw on a pair of jeans and Simon's favorite shirt on me. I thought that it might lighten whatever it was that was about to happen. I grabbed my keys and a sweater and walked to the subway station on Lynn Rd. I jumped on and off the subway in a flash and before I knew it I was already at Java Jones. I saw Simon sitting at a table and he grimaced at me when he saw me. This was not going to be fun.

Author's Note: I'm sorry about any grammatical or spelling errors I'm looking for a beta right now. I feel kinda weird asking some random person to do it so if anyone is up to the challenge or knows anyone good let me know.(because you're not random ;) I promise the chapters will get longer, but i ran out of time on this one.


	2. The Heartbreak

Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated lately...i'm not going to give any excuses because they're all pathetic so i'll just give you this instead!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything(only in my dreams)

As I sat down Simon gave me a look a defeated look.

"Hey Si, what's up?" I said in a shaky voice.

"Clary we need to talk," he said in a grim voice.

"So you said on the phone. What is it you want to talk about?"

"Clary I can't take this anymore!" he looked frustrated now.

"Simon what are you talking about?" I said, but I already knew.

"This Shadowhunting, Jace, pretending to want to be with me, everything!"

"That's just life now. it's not like I could go back to being normal, I have no clue what you're talking about with Jace though because we're brother and sister now, and if you're going to yell like this I don't want to be with you!" but I knew everything he had said about himself and jace was true.

"Clarissa do not lie to me. I have known you since we were 5! I know you! The look you give him is the same look that I've dreamt about you giving me since I first met you! You look at him with that look! Every time he comes into the room you light up! I know you Clary so stop lying to me and yourself and just tell me the truth for once because lately it seems like all I can get from you are lies." I was astonished. We had fought before, but he had never hurt me so much before. I wasn't going to show it though.

"Simon nothing is going on between Jace and me! I do not "light up" when Jace comes into the room we haven't even talked since the fight!" But that wasn't true he had taken me for a ride on his new bike to see my, I mean our, mother. At the hospital we did get in a fight and I haven't seen him since. "Can you just get over it! I get that you're trying to be protective of me, but just let it go!"

"Clary, no I can't just "let it go", not anymore. You are like a drug to me Clary I have to stop being around you or else I'll get hurt. You're toxic and I need to stop being around you completely. I need to stop you cold turkey. Because yeah it hurts me to be away from you, but eventually you're going to run off with Jace or some other guy and I'll be alone wishing I had some options! I can't wait around and keep pretending you're as madly in love with you as I am. Because the truth is that you love me like you should love Jace." It was true I was bad for him and I never would love him the right way. Everything he had said was true.

"Just give me one more chance Si. Please I promise I'll try harder. I'll get over him! Just don't leave I can't stand being away from you!"He couldn't leave he just couldn't.

"At least you're telling the truth now, but that doesn't change anything. I just wanted to say goodbye. Please Clary I made my decision don't call or anything anymore. "

"But…." At this point I was on the verge of tears.

"Bye Clary." And he turned around and walked away, but as he was walking away he turned around and said, "If you ever stop having feelings for him let me know." And then he was gone.

Author's Note: PLEASE REVIEW! I got one last chapter and i'm pretty sure i was smiling for the rest of the day because it's not just me and my imaginary friend Jeorge reading it!

PS i dont really have an imaginary friend named Jeorge...im not THAT crazy


	3. Broken Hearts

AN: Hi all! Or maybe just me and Jorge...well anywho...enjoy and review! or don't enjoy and review either way works for me!

Disclaimer: I dont own nada...

As soon as he left I broke down. I started sobbing uncontrollably. I wanted to leave, but I was crying so hard that I couldn't. At one point a man came up to me and asked if I wanted a tissue. I promptly screamed at him and he went away looking more or less frightened. I sat and sat thinking about all the times I'd had with Simon. When I broke my arm when I was 10, my first art class, his first band gig, so many memories, but gone so fast.

Midway through my crying I felt a arm go around my shoulder. I was about to punch him in the face really hard, thinking it was some creeper who had decided to take advantage of me, when he grabbed my arm and I saw who is was. Jace.

Simon POV

Telling Clary goodbye was the hardest thing I had ever done, but I had to do it. Didn't I? When I went outside Velentine was waiting as promised.

"Did you tell her?" he said smirking.

"Yes," I frowned.

"Very good your family and friends are safe ...for now," I imagined him twirling an evil mustache (not that he had one just my overactive imagination kicking in). He might not have had a mustache, but he was totally evil.

AN: thanks for reading! please review! even to say that it sucks and i have no talent whatsoever!THANK YOU!


	4. My Breakdown

CPV

"What are you doing here? Are you stalking me now?" I asked miserably through my tears trying to wipe them away. I couldn't stand him seeing me like this.

"Well, I was passing through and I saw a crying girl, and I thought hey what an easy pick up. So I came in. But yes I am stalking you," hahaha he's so funny.

"Stop it, be serious. Why are you here?" I had stopped crying now because I was so angry.

"I'm stalking my baby sister as I said before," and then he gave me that smile the one that shattered my heart and made me wish with every fiber of my body that he wasn't my brother. Then he could hold me and kiss me, and it wouldn't be wrong. With that I started breaking down again.

"I need to go Jace," and then I started running, but of course he ran after me.

"Clary. Stop. Tell me what happened. Is it something with Jocelyn, or….."

"She has nothing to do with this!" I just wanted him to leave.

"Then what Clary! I can't stand seeing you this miserable! I just need to know what happened so I can make it better!"

"You can't make it better! You can't fix everything!"

"Well, I can sure as hell try!"

"You can't control what people want! You can't control how they feel!"

In a softer voice he said,"What happened Clary? Just let me help you," Dang it. He stopped me in my tracks with that tone.

"It's it's Simon. He he doesn't want to be friends anymore," With that I crawled into his arms and cried for what seemed like hours. He just held me and murmured that everything would be okay, but I knew I would always miss him. Simon was my best friend, but now my support, the person that knew me the best and loved me unconditionally was gone.


	5. The Bastard

JPV

I saw her at the place Simon said she would be, and I was shocked to see her crying. Simon said she would need me, but he said not to tell her he called. I was confused, but he had said Clary would need me so I was there.

I went up to the booth she was in and wrapped my arm around her. Then she looked like she was about to punch me, but then she saw it was me and the yelling began. Then again I would rather her be angry at me every day than her ever be this miserable. Seeing her like this made me want to wrap her in my arms and hide her from the world so she could never get hurt again even if I told her we would only be brother and sister now.

"What are you doing here? Are you stalking me now?" she asked miserably through her tears trying to wipe them away. I couldn't tell her the truth so I made up something.

"Well, I was passing through and I saw a crying girl, and I thought hey what an easy pick up. So I came in. But yes I am stalking you," I thought it was a pretty good lie I mean she knew it wasn't the truth, but it was ambiguous.

"Stop it, be serious. Why are you here?" She had stopped crying now because I was so angry. She was so cute when she was angry, scary but cute. Gosh I wish she wasn't my sister.

"I'm stalking my baby sister as I said before," I stuck with my lie, and then smiled at her because of how frustrated she was and how cute she was. Then out of nowhere she stared crying again. Crazy girl hormones.

"I need to go Jace," and then she started running. Did she think I would let this go that easily?

"Clary. Stop. Tell me what happened. Is it something with Jocelyn, or….." I had no clue what was going on with her, and it was really starting to bother me. I wanted to know who or what was doing this to her then I would go fix it, with violence preferably.

"She has nothing to do with this!" I didn't understand why she was so worked up. What is the matter with her?

"Then what Clary! I can't stand seeing you this miserable! I just need to know what happened so I can make it better!" I was getting desperate. This would end in tears from either her or me (not that I would cry in front of her).

"You can't make it better! You can't fix everything!" Hasn't she figured out that I'm delusional?

"Well, I can sure as hell try!"

"You can't control what people want! You can't control how they feel!" Then she hasn't seen me with girls yet…..

In a softer voice I said, "What happened Clary? Just let me help you," This girl makes me so soft!

"It's it's Simon. He he doesn't want to be friends anymore," that bastard! That's how he knew she would need me! Oh he would be seeing me very soon. I held her tightly to protect her and out of anger for that stupid mundane. He was going to be begging for mercy by the time I'm done with him.


	6. Confrontation

Ok so I'm not quite sure what happened, but all the story came up as one or something. So i just fixed it. I think. I will update the week after next probably. I have finals this week. Then i have graduation next week and all that jazz. But I pinky swear I will update ASAP!

Jace's POV

After our little episode I took Clary home and I left to give her some room to cool down. Then I went to that stupid mundane's house that broke my Clary's heart. Wait my Clary she's my sister! We need to go to some serious counseling, after I teach Simon not to mess with Clary.

Even though I expected this kind of behavior from the average mundane I didn't expect it from him. He had known her since they were kids and had always been there for her like I wish I could have been. Another thing that bothered me was the phone call. He called me to comfort her, but by the sounds of it the shadow hunting and I were the problem. (Even if I do agree with him about her and shadow hunting) It was very confusing; it seems like Clary isn't the only one with girl hormone issues.

Simon's POV

I still felt awful about doing that to Clary. Then I called Jace to comfort _her_. What I also knew about Jace was that his first stop after making Clary feel better was to come over and beat me until I told Clary sorry and begged for forgiveness. The problem was that I felt like I deserve it. Even worse still my morals are kicking in and telling me I deserve to have my ass beat by some arrogant jerk who is the brother/guy my best friend likes (as way more than a friend). This same best friend is the girl that I've had a crush on since before I knew that girls didn't have cooties. Yeah life sucks.

Jace's POV

I finally got to Simon's door and knocked so hard I thought the door may have some new dents on it. Simon almost immediately opened the door, but he didn't look confused or nervous. He looked at me expectantly and I got really pissed, while he said, "Let's take a walk Jace."

I don't think he realized how angry I was at that moment, so I let him know by saying, "No you idiotic mundane we are talking right here and right now."

He looked at me stupidly and replied, "Don't you want to take me to some deserted ally before you beat me?"Okay now I was extremely confused .

"You mundanes are so damn confusing! What is the matter with you normal people don't want to get beaten!"

"Jace why don't we take a walk and I'll explain what I can."

Simon's POV

"Usually I would just hit you really hard, but then Clary would be pissed at both of us. This causes me to be forced to listen to you until I feel obliged to hit you, and that may occur at any moment. Got it?" he told me with in a deathly calm voice, which was as scary as hell. Even so I continued with a calm, almost bored tone.

"Yeah I got it. Jace if I told you I would kill your entire family if you didn't do as I said what would you do?"

"Is that a threat mundane? If it is I will kill you with my bare hands right now." He said it calmly with a slight smile, which was also very scary.

"No Jace that is not a threat. Just because I'm a mundane doesn't make me stupid," I said in an exasperated voice. He was just so impossible sometimes.

"Yeah well you don't put out a great face for your kind," he sounded smug, again. Why can't he just listen?

"You're impossible! You're making me forget why I even felt the need to explain this to you!"

"Thank you. You're explaining this because if you don't I will beat you. Are you really that slow? Can't you just get to the point? I'm getting very bored,"

"Okay I'll cut to the chase, but first you have to promise me you won't tell Clary or anyone," I wish I could tell them, but it was too dangerous. The only reason I was telling Jace was because I knew he could handle himself, and if something tragic happened he would be out of the picture and I could have Clary all to myself and …..WOAH THERE! I sound like a villain who's twirling his mustache I need to take it down a notch. Stupid overactive imagination.

"I don't have to promise you anything. Be grateful I'm giving you a chance to explain."

"As I was saying before you got me distracted, if someone threatened your family and everyone you love you would do anything and everything you could do to protect them, right?"


End file.
